I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
MIDGETS
????
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
