just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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