Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
