we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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