I hate your face
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
