I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
