i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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