We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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