How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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