smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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