I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Randomize
