You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
