I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
