They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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