Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
