He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
