you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
