I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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