she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
