If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
