come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
This is classic penis vs brain.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
