just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
