I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
