Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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