apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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