I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
