Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My Higher Power is John Stamos
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
is it fun? or sober?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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