cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
