he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
