i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
