my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
