She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
