the condom got lost in my hair
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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