is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
