i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
