I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
