I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
