just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
