that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
