Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
