Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
