That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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