Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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