I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
