I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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