you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
