I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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