I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
