As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
