She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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