so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
