Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
